and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
