Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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