I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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