She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
