If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
