Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
