my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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