In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
