you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
