so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
