Just cropdusted the office
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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