wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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