hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
