I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
