Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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