Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
