I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
