paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
