there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
