We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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