i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
