Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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