I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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