so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
