so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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