My Higher Power is John Stamos
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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