I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
