In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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