He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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