I can't breathe out the right side of my face
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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