How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
