He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
