wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
