We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
