i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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