I accidentally had phone sex last night
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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