Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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