so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
