idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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