I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
All I want is dick and wine.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
