Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
