and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
you never un-have a 4some
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
