I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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