: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
