So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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