I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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