Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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