That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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