I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
