There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
