I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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