Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Mom said you looked used
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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