Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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