once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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