i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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